Writer's Block
by Aquilla
Summary: it's a T/P ficcy, but it's gunna take quite a while before it actually gets to the T/P bit... read it and you'll understand...
1. Writer's Block (1)

A/N:so it'll take a while for there to actually be any romance in this one, but just sit tight and be patient, cos it will (eventually!) get there. And yes, it is mush. Buth then u wouldn't be reading a romance if u didn't want some mush then would u?? 

Disclaimer: the usual. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

WRITER'S BLOCK 

chapter 1 

Pencil shavings littered the desk and spilled onto the floor, the long limbed beauty sat oblivious in a sea of scrunched-up paper biting her nails and searching for ideas. Outside wind bent trees backwards and hail threatened to break windows yet still she sat so engrossed with her efforts that nothing short of total world destruction could rouse her. 

Finally in desperation she threw down her pencil and screamed, frustration written all over her perfectly moulded face. "God Pan! You're s'posed to be a writer! What the hell's wrong with you?" Deciding nothing could be accomplished this night she flew out into the storm towards her favourite secluded haunt. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

5 yrs ago 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sixteen-year-old Pan squirmed nervously on the hard plastic seat, impatient for her category to be read out. All the Z-gang were there for her big moment - this was the first time any of the had been nominated for such a prestigious award. Videl looked at her daughter and beamed. The National Writer's University Award for Poetry was the highest honour any author could receive, and that her daughter - at only sixteen - had been nominated was the proudest moment in her life. 

Eventually the compere walked to the podium and announced, "And now, to the next category. For writers from sixteen to twenty five, the award goes to: Son Pan! Congratulations! Please now come and read your entry." 

Amidst the screaming and cheers of her friends Pan sat transfixed staring disbelievingly at the pudgy, balding man. ~OMIGOD! This CAN'T be happening! ME a writer??!! Me an actual recognised writer? I think I'm gunna faint!~ Nevertheless she found her feet and glided up to the podium on a cushion of air, not believing for one second that she was awake. Still it took her some time to regain her voice, but once done she thus began: 

"Wind tossing swirling ripping up my roots 

tearing all I know 

stealing me from life. 

Passing in a blinding flash I fly 

fly fly fly up 

* 

Nothing known here all is new no comforting arm to anchor, 

nothing to do but wander 

to make mistakes and learn. 

* 

I search for rich good soil 

where my roots will grow and flourish, 

but every thread I sprout 

touches poison, withers and dies. 

* 

No light but the blackest night 

eyes blinded I stumble 

falling over deep dark edge 

touching nourishing land at last. 

* 

Sprouting smiles green leaves shoot 

in all directions light now blooms; 

friends around me offer hands: they'll never leave again. 

I've finally found my feet." 

(ok, so please just use your imagination and pretend this is a good poem? pretty please??) 

In silence the entire audience looked at her, wondering how the young girl before them could have ever possibly written what she had just read out. Only one face looked up with a mixture of pride in his best friend, shock at her skill and understanding of its meaning. He alone knew just how hard Pan's teenage years had been, how close she had come to giving up everything to escape the suffocating blackness. 

As part of her prize Pan received a scholarship to the university, where she spent the next five years buried under pieces of paper and pencil shavings. 

~~~~~~~~ 

back to the present (the day after she ran out into the storm) 

~~~~~~~~ 

A dead-to-the-world young quarter-sayain was brutally awakened by the shrill tones of her ringing phone. 

"Mphf?" Was all the person on the other end heard when she finally picked it up. He rightly guessed she hadn't even opened her eyes, and had only found the receiver through sheer luck. 

"Hey Pan. Glad to see you haven't broken your age-old habits yet!" 

"Shddup Trunks," she mumbled. "Jus cos 'm a writer doesn mean I haveta wake up early. So there!" 

"Don't stick your tongue out at me girly! The wind might change and you'll be stuck like that." 

"I wasn't sticking out my tongue!" She coloured though in reply to his disbelieving 'sure'. "Yeah well anyway whatcha calling for mister president? Last time I recall you were too busy to go out with your friends. Suddenly come to your senses have you?" 

"Hmph. Well you could say that. I was just thinking cos I haven't seen all you guys for at least three months we could go out some time soon. So whatcha think? up for it?" 

"Hell yes! When? I haven't been out for soooooooooo long! Hey could we go dancing or something? I know I normally hate it but I've been locked up in my apartment trying to get this damned book finished for so long I don't even remember what the sky looks like anymore!" 

"Sounds like I'm not the only recluse round here hey? The dancing sounds great though, so we'll all meet up at my place say round eight tomorrow night?" 

"Can't wait. Anyway I gotta go - I've got a meeting with a publisher in an hour. Eek! I'm so scared!" 

"You'll be fine. Hey, if they don't like you, just blast them to the next dimension! Ok, so I'll see ya tomorrow night! Bye!" 

Pan face faulted when Trunk's comment made her recall just how long it had been since she'd done any training. ~I probably wouldn't even be able to light a candle any more~ At that thought she trailed off to the shower looking as sad as she would if someone had died. In a way, a part of her had.... 

________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

sooo, whatcha think? yeah i know, it's short. ah well, neva mind. please don't forget to review! ^_~ 


	2. Writer's Block (2)

A/N: don't worry, they'll eventually get together! (T&P that is..) 

Warning: mild cussing 

Disclaimer: what do u think? 

________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

WRITER'S BLOCK 

chapter 2 

She'd been away from reality for so long she'd almost forgotten people could create so much noise, or more to the point that people could call such a catastrophe music. Trunks, through great self control, resisted the urge to cover his ears, but Pan couldn't help herself. They smiled ruefully at each other then strode defiantly into the nightclub. Goten, Marron and Bra gave the two strange looks and headed straight for the dance floor; having recovered and gotten used to the onslaught of sound Trunks and Pan soon followed. 

Taking a break from dancing pan settled herself down at the bar, just soaking in the atmosphere. Sure the place was noisy but just being around so many people - where everyone was out to have a good time - was doing wonders for her. It had been so long - too long - since she'd had this type of company so she was savouring every minute of it and storing her memory with scenes and thoughts to write about later. 

Unbeknown to her a reckless, satisfied grin spread itself over her face making those around her wonder just *what* she'd been up to. A rather good looking guy sauntered over and said, "Enjoying yourself?" To which Pan turned her head and stared dumbly at the stranger for long minutes, 'till she broke from her reverie and regained her senses. 

"Uh....yeah. Yeah, actually it's great! Why'dya ask?" 

"No reason, you just looked happy is all. I'm Jake, by the way." She shook his extended hand and introduced herself. 

"Hey do I know you from somewhere? I swear I know you." This was said with some confusion, for Pan generally didn't forget a face, and she began to worry all her writing was making her loose her mind. [Aquilla: we know better don't we? You HAVE to be insane to call yourself a writer!] 

He looked a little sheepish at this, then admitted the reason for his conversation with her. "We had a lecture together last year at the University. It took me a while to recognise you too at first, then I just had to talk to you - you looked like you were composing a story in your head or something!" It was her turn for the sheepish grin and at her acknowledgement he laughed. "I remember you were always writing - always. Hey, you still walk around permanently attached to your notebook? You _never_ let that outa your sight while you were studying!" 

"Hey! I just like to write, that's all. And no, I left that at home this time. Actually come to think of it I should have brought it with me, I've got so many ideas now for my book! Although, where I would have kept it I don't know." That last comment she made looking ruefully down at her attire, which consisted of skin-tight black leather pants, mid-calf length steel-capped boots (NOT heels), a three-quarter see through red top with a tight black singlet top over it. On her head she wore the trademark Son Pan bandanna - blood red - tying back her long, silky black hair. All in all she was quite a sight, which explained the fact that the eyes of every man at the bar followed her every move. 

After another drink Pan let Jake lead her onto the dance floor and instantly both were infected by the beat of the music and the vibe of the writhing horde surrounding them. They danced for ages on end, chatting when the volume of the music allowed it, swaying with the beat when it didn't. Jake discovered she had received a contract with a top publisher immediately after graduation, not of course that he was surprised with the news. Pan in turn found out that he had just been hired as a journalist for a newspaper - one that coincidentally was largely backed by Capsule Corporation. She laughed at that and immediately resolved on introducing him and Trunks first chance she got. 

That turned out to be sooner than she thought, considering almost the very next moment her purple haired friend tugged at her elbow demanding her attention. Jake followed her out of the crush to where the group was assembled, ready to go home. 

"Hey Pan, you ready to go?" Obviously her friends were all dog-tired and although she really didn't want to leave just then she knew if she made them stay they'd very likely collapse. 

"He and I thought I was the one who didn't get out much! Isn't clubbing almost every night supposed to _increase_ your stamina? Anyway, yeah I spose we should get going." She turned around and to her new friend said, "Catch ya later! You've got my number right?" To his affirmative she smiled and saluted, then hurried out the door after the others. 

*** 

Back at Trunks' place everyone was about to leave when they noticed Marron nudging him, as though she wanted him to say something. They all knew how much she and Trunks cared about each other and were vastly curious as to what exactly he was meant to tell them. 

"He he umm....yeah." Suddenly the warrior was so bashful and nervous they hardly recognised him as Trunks. "Well, ya see, you know me'n Marron've been going out for three years, right? Well we sorta, I've sorta, umm.....eh?" He stared helplessly around the group, desperately seeking support. Pan burst out laughing at his antics but sobered at his wounded look, then sprang up and hugged the both of them so tight they thought they might just pass out from lack of air. 

"OH I'm so HAPPY!! I can't believe it!" She began prancing around the living room yelling incomprehensible exclamations, and when they finally got her standing still again she immediately bear-hugged Marron and squealed, "Can I be a bridesmaid? Can I?" 

Goten and Bra face faulted and eventually managed to squeak out something to the effects of, "You're getting _married_?" 

*** 

The two months till the wedding passed in a merry blur of invitations, dresses and parties. Somehow the happy couple survived their buck's and hen's nights, although neither could work out exactly how. Once the day arrived though, both were, for lack of a better term, shitting bricks. 

"Uhh.....Goten? I will live through this, won't I?" A very nervous Trunks was staring at his tuxedoed self in the mirror, trying hard not to faint. 

"You love her, right? So then where's the problem?" 

"It's not _that_ I'm worried about - it's the family afterwards!" Goten laughed heartily at that, not realising his friend was serious. 

"No, really! They're gunna want _photos_ - _lots_ of photos! And they're gunna expect kids! I'm too young to have kids, Goten!" To this his unsympathetic friend just kept on laughing, although he did stop when Trunks finally got fed up with his and decked him. He felt better after that. 

Standing at the alter rather intensified his stomach-butterflies tenfold, but still his breath was taken away by Marron's beauty as she walked - no, glided - down the isle. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in the world, decked out in a simple creamy golden-white satin dress that hugged her curves and fell gracefully to the floor, her bouquet of gorgeous white lilies picked out with blood red miniature roses echoed in a wreath about her head, from which two white ribbons flowed down her back ending at her knees. Trunks wasn't oblivious to the beauty of her two bridesmaids - Pan and Bra - but still he was bewitched by the angel before him. 

The ceremony and vows passed in a blur of happy tears for the onlookers, and quickened heartbeats for the couple. Trunks was correct in his apprehension - they did want photos. Lots of photos. Goten couldn't escape the torture either, considering he was best man and all. Somehow though they all survived and made it safely through the reception, from where the newlyweds left for their honeymoon to a deserted tropical island that only a select few (namely two full sayains, three demi-sayains and their mates) knew about. 

Back at Capsule Corps the Z-gang was left to clean up, although they of course left that job till the next morning (more correctly the next _afternoon_), considering the fact that pretty much every single one of them spent the night passed out wherever they had landed once the party finally finished in the wee hours of the morning. 

Pan couldn't help feeling, along with her great pleasure in their happiness, that her friendship with Trunks might not be as close as what it had previously - that she had perhaps lost her best friend. That emotion was immediately drowned out by her bubbling joy, but still it would remain and leave her unsettled. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

yeah ok so it's short - hey, i'm tired! well anyway tell me whatcha think, k? 


	3. Writer's Block (3)

A/N: this ended up way more depressing than what I thought this chapter was gunna be like, but it still works..... I hope.... yes well anyway PLEASE REVIEW!!! I'm gettin' lonely sittin' here with all these stories and no reviews to comfort me.... :( ....ok enough 'o that, on with the fic! 

P.S. before I forget, this is like a year, two years after the last one 

disclaimer: blah blah blah ...y'all know the drill! 

___________________________________________________________________________ 

WRITER'S BLOCK 

chapter 3 

Pan sighed. She missed Jake. it had taken months after that first meeting at the nightclub, but eventually the two of them had built up a beautiful, unbreakable relationship. Or so she'd thought. She couldn't pinpoint exactly what had triggered it but somewhere their bliss had descended into torture. Harsh words then passed - words she wished she could forget - and he'd gone. Vanished without a trace. 

She'd had other boyfriends since him - heaps of guys - but they were all just rebounds. Yep, she just kept bouncing from one guy to the next, not even bothering to remember the current one's name. Her work was slipping too. She could still write, but the publishers were getting sick of lost-soul-on-the-brink-of-self-destruction pieces. Of course, seeing as how that's what she had become, she couldn't really write about much else. 

Walking past her desk she spotted a face-down picture frame and absentmindedly righted it; but catching sight of who it showed she picked it up for closer inspection. It was the gang - Bra, Marron, Pan, Trunks and Goten - all stacked on top of each other. Pan smiled as a stray memory told her they'd all been playing footy, or at least she Trunks and Goten had been, the other two just jumped on top cos they thought it might be fun, forgetting that Pan was on the bottom of the pile being crushed by two heavily-packed warriors. Once they'd all finally crawled off her she remembered how she'd played dead, even lowering her ki so they'd really start to worry. Trunks had been the most angry at her for that prank but couldn't remain so for over ten minutes - she'd still been young enough then to pull off the 'innocent puppy-dog face' look. 

While reliving the memory Pan's eyes had briefly regained some of their former life, but that soon fell away again to consuming sadness. "I haven't seen them all in so long;" her whisper was all but inaudible to any without saiyan senses, but she needn't have bothered whispering at all. Feelings of utter loneliness swept over her so strongly that all she could do was collapse onto her couch in a teary mess. Even when the sleaze she was 'dating' at the moment let himself in to her apartment and started feeling her up she simply stared blankly at the wall in front of her, mind and body both completely numb. 

For hours she sat crumpled just how the jerk had left her, neither knowing nor caring if she'd been violated. For days she lay lifeless and despondent staring at the same blank spot on the wall. 

Idly Goten wondered what his niece was up to, and rather than leaving his lunch to go to the phone he just reached out with his ki to try and mind-speak her. What he felt turned him first white, then green, then white again. Her signature was so totally depleted it was hardly recognisable, and when he felt her mind he sensed death latched firmly on! Without another thought he sped towards her apartment flying straight though the window and kneeling before the couch. He gingerly lifted her into his arms, trying to ignore the stench of mingled alcohol, vomit and excretion. 

He cradled her as though she were more fragile than fine china, and indeed she was. All the way back to his house he asked her why, why she hadn't called for help, why she hadn't called at all. He cooed to her, begging her to hold on. Almost at his place he telepathically called Trunks and told him what had happened, and wisely changed his course when the purple-haired wonder reminded him of the regeneration tanks Bulma had built. 

The two sat by Pan while she healed for days on end, waiting, watching, hoping. They knew that she would physically mend but what scared them most was the thought that she would never mentally recover. Trunks had recognised her condition as the same sickness that had threatened her in her early teens, that he suspected she would always have to fight. Marron and Bra were the only other two who knew that she was there and they brought food down to him and Goten. Sometimes they would stay there too, sometimes they would leave, sickened by their friend's state; always the men kept vigil. 

Insistent beeping broke into the deep slumber of exhaustion, although turning his head Goten saw that the beeping could be as insistent as it liked but it would never wake Trunks up. Feeling the need to lighten up a bit he created a tiny ki ball and stuck it just below Trunks' nose. The distinctive smell of burning hair and an almighty scream told him the plan had worked. Trunks now sat fully awake and missing most of his nose hairs. The next instant he had his friend in a headlock and was about to beat the living daylights out of him when a really annoying, high-pitched beeping registered. Slowly he turned his eyes, then his whole head, in the direction of the sound. There sat Pan in her underwear blinking, with the slightest hint of a smile on her lips. But then memory hit her like a sledgehammer and she broke down on the floor weeping, huddled in the foetal position. Immediately both her uncle and her best friend were with her, comforting her, telling her they loved her. She cried harder. 

~IT'S NOT YOU!~ she wanted to scream at them, but couldn't. ~It's me! Me, the failure. Me, the leach. Me, who never lets anybody get close, who can't be loved. You think you love me, but do you really? _Can_ you, really? Hey, I made sure of that one didn't I?~ 

****** 

The rest of the Z-gang were told what had happened a week after she came out of the tank, but she refused to see anybody except the four who had saved her. It wasn't that she felt any resentment towards the others but rather that she was afraid. Afraid that they would pity her, afraid that they would think her weak for succumbing to the disease. Her parents were hurt most by this although the whole gang lost some of its former spark. Life still went on, but it was nowhere near so rosy. 

As weeks went by without any improvement Trunks was searching desperately for something that she could do. He thought that perhaps with something to throw herself into she might regain some purpose to life, for it was obvious she thought her life worth nothing. 

Eventually one morning while he was training she let herself in to the gravity room to watch. Realising how big a step this was for her Trunks fought to keep from looking her way, scared he might frighten her off. He went through almost all his regular routine, even turning SSJ, with a small little grin on his face, but all the while he didn't turn to look at her. At the end of the performance - for it was quite obvious to Pan that he _was_ putting on a show - she clapped and cheered and much to his delight, she even laughed a little. 

"Would you like a turn?" His voice almost mad her flee but something kept her back, something that said this was what she had to do. 

Looking like she was about to cry again she shakily said, "I don't even remember how to fly!" that problem was solved though when Trunks levitated down to her and scooped her into his arms. 

""We'll just have to teach you then, won't we?" He whispered into her ear while rising to the top of the room. ~Well this is new~ he thought, referring to the fact that holding his friend in his arms made him feel something he only felt with people he was decidedly _more_ than friends with. Remembering his wife he shook his head, putting the feeling down to happiness that finally Pan was out of the house. A tiny part of his mind begged to differ, but he ignored the insistent voice. 

Before Pan had even had time to get comfortable in his arms he dropped her. Wind screaming past her ears, she screamed along with it, but just in time Trunks caught her and on the way back up said, "Now let's try this again." 

"Are you MAD? You almost killed me! I'm leaving!" With that Pan pushed herself out of his arms and flew towards the door. Turning around at the sound of laughter she glared daggers at her friend but he didn't seem to notice. 

He flew down till he was standing in mid air right in front of her. "Pan," he gently said, "you're flying." She looked down at her feet and saw that indeed they were quite a few metres above the ground, then had to steady herself after the shock sent her wobbling. A spurt of laughter escaped her lips, then another and another till she was almost hysterical, flying everywhere around the chamber. Looking into her eyes, ignoring the fact that his breath caught, Trunks saw that she had regained much of her spark; he joined her in the wild bouncing from wall to wall and crazy laughing. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

yeah ok so it's short. ahh well. so pleeeeeeease tell me what you think! I dunno if this is as good as the others or not, methinks it may need some more work, but I'm getting cranky at other people for not writing so I thought I'd better get my own act together. ^_^ 


End file.
